.25 November 2009 ' 10:41:00 PM Y
#1072
sometimes i want to be a dandelion. when the wind has enough force to lift you off your feet, you soar, wherever the wind takes you; across mountains, rooftops, and watch the heads of Man shrinking beneath you. and when the wind loses its velocity you fall into the cold, concrete ground, simply waiting for any incoming truck to run you over.
sometimes you become a child's source of curiosity and joy, when the child severs you from your roots, gives fresh and innocent pink breaths, watches with excitement, as you rise into the air.
yet the dandelion's beauty lies in that precise stage performance, seldom exceeding five seconds, after which the curtain descends again and all becomes history.
x
sometimes i feel like i'm in a labyrinth.
i wanted to find the way out, and return to reality,
yet the search has made me disillusioned,
and i start to wonder if reality has just begun instead.
.24 November 2009 ' 11:08:00 AM Y
#1071
tonight is episode 3!! i must be insane to go great lengths to watch it (as LIVE as possible) just because............................ of erika toda. okay la i adore the series to bits la actually i just feel like watching it on the channel itself! .. with no subtitles, so i will be inferring here and there.. making use of my already very limited grasp of japanese. this friggin guy (points above) who is called Shoto Matsuda (i think, and is an absolute genius in the series), his brother starred as Ren in NANA (one of my favvvv stuff ever!!)! the world is small to the max.
i am really tired, and just gassing and spamming myself with coffee. i didn't use to drink hot coffee at all, but these days i started having it almost every night just because: 1) i need the caffeine 2) picking up a fake habit for my father.. because drinking stuff together beats drinking it alone.
on the way to the SPH Media Centre ytd with kl, we got lost in between TANNERY RD, GENTING RD, AND GENTING LANE. now my feet has insect bites and two blisters.
therefore, i hate the words TANNERY and GENTING.
who really cares anyway.
x
you probably think that i am losing myself and shutting all the doors now.
however, lately i realised this road isn't two-way; i can't help you with your problems like how you want to deal with mine,
you fasten your door more securely than i do, but no, if you're going to be mistaken again, i am not blaming you.. never in my life would i.
i thought we were very sensitive with words, so i chose to say "couldn't" instead of "didn't", hoping you could see what i was trying to mean.
if i have to spell everything out to you, i certainly would.
and in case you think that i do not trust you..
i actually trust you more than life itself.
.23 November 2009 ' 12:11:00 AM Y
#1070
danboard super cute right. yep thats that its called.. and probably can't find it anywhere already. DAMN CUTE LEH!! i loved it a few months back but i love it again. well.
its been a good weekend. i'm looking at the pile of new books on my table and.. i can't even read them. i haven't even finished reading The Blind Assassin that i bought at this mini book fair at ehub a long way back.. can't even remember how long ago it was. then again.. maybe i was really bad for not announcing that there was a book fair at expo. it has ended anyway! didn't really think that people would bother, because apparently maoo called me a NERD. and i felt as if nobody wanted to go to such things with me.. and after the entire thing ended, people actually wanted to go so badly. haizzzzz.
i resolve to read at least 100 books before i enter uni. IF i can make it in, that is. apparently somebody's conversations with me hints that i cannot enter uni. annoying leh. i aim to be smarter and more knowledgeable than i (already HAHAHHA) am before i (if) enter uni. [:
i need to remember that i am still in the midst of A levels. that i still have to practise at least 1000 bio mcqs and do at least 3-4 more paper4 essays before next wednesday. i am still in the danger zone for paper4, which is super worrying.
therefore, i need to stop dreaming for the moment and be the nerd/geek (like i always am) with no life, again. doesn't really sound like me to dream/play much, actually.
before that, i will first have to pick up my lucky draw prize at the SPH Media Centre tomorrow. HAHAHA!
.20 November 2009 ' 10:20:00 PM Y
#1069i could be insane. when nobody believes that i will fall, does it mean faith, trust, confidence, or simply indifference?
a shadow pressing against my soul. a noose tightening, tightening with every mention of the future.
i could be insane when i say that i want to keep studying. i am simply insane.
i don't have the strength to face what is coming for me, the commitments coming for me, the weight waiting for me to shoulder.
i don't think i can do this alone, but that in itself is just an assumption, because i know eventually, i will have to face the crushing slab all on my own.
so much for comrades, so much for confidants, so much for assurance, so much for promises.. so much for gratitude.
broken faith, broken promises, not false, not lies.
but simply assurances you try to make, you try to fulfill, but time doesnt allow.
how could i ever blame you?
.18 November 2009 ' 8:16:00 PM Y
#1068
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.
One Art, Elizabeth Bishop
.16 November 2009 ' 2:10:00 AM Y
#1067i did quite alot of thinking during the weekend, for almost everything in my life
every single corner of my life i shone the torchlight on it and either confronted it, or let it go.
ive probably reached a new equilibrium once again; and i dont even know if its a good thing, because i left.. in a metaphorical way, a great bag of garbage, which actually has quite a fair chance of coming back to me, recycled.
it seemed as if i put many things on hold, thinking that if i truly mattered to them, time wouldnt corrode the affection
i dont really know how wrong i was, and not exactly sure if i was right in doing so.
ultimately my faith turned into zilch; like a salvo, feeling annihilated,
i thought you could save me from the destruction
wrong, all wrong once again.
.14 November 2009 ' 1:12:00 AM Y
#1066everytime the same old thing happens, i just slap myself awake and drive the message home: nobody dies of a heartbreak.
there are just so many things i do not have, or never had, control over.
just like you. what you cant wait for, is what i dread for it to come by. speaking in circles,
because i never had the intention to let you know.
and i dont intend to let you know.. anything.
im fine with the way we are, im absolutely fine with the way we are now..
who am i kidding?
.13 November 2009 ' 12:20:00 AM Y
#1065
week one is gone. actually, i have nothing to comment for it.
unlike others, i am one of the suay people whose h1 span across two papers and the next bio paper falls on 3rd december.
therefore i have only completed exactly five papers out of ten so far.
its a really mixed emotion that the As give, ive more or less gotten used to mugging every single thing and most of it never comes out. interesting to realise that out of three thick stacks of the binded international history notes, only one was tested.. well not even half of that stack, which makes probably about 18% of the syllabus. funny to know that all we could have done for bio was to mug two topics well, out of fourteen.
irritating to know that Agent Food Poisoning has stuck back..
it really teaches you the fine art of preserverance, when skies turn grey every single day against you.
okay i took a 6-hour long break already! time to write agenda.
take care friends!
.11 November 2009 ' 5:44:00 PM Y
#1064bio paper is always like this.
my morale is at an all-time low.
希望明天会更好 :(
.8 November 2009 ' 1:42:00 PM Y
#1063eighteen hours left including sleep tonight! (but the day has barely started)
KO-ed on the table twice last night and six times this morning since 9am.
im really tired but i cannot sleep, hungry but i cannot eat because my parents are sleeping too.
and i dont really dare to eat much because the food poisoning symptoms are still here :( suay or what?
it seems like Agent Fatigue cannot kill me, so they got Amateur Undercover Agent Food Poisoning to do the job.
humour can't even wake me up, sighzzzzzz.
after As i really want to sleep for three days three nights.
be lethargic for all i care.
